Big Stuff?

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O LORD, my heart is not lifted up; my eyes are not raised too high

Psalm 131:1

I really don't feel like worshipping. I stand here and refuse to raise my hands and be a hypocrite. I'm just here out of habit and I'm fed up with all the stuff that I can't sort out. Fed up with praying for this and that and the other to change and things only getting worse. Tired with the struggle. Longing for a chink of light. I will not lift my hands. If God wants me to worship then He's better do something, because the Christian life is too hard to feel much joy anymore.

And then the Word comes. "Big Prayer". Right. I should be praying more. Here we go. Of course, I know that. Prayer is hard work and I'm lazy. And then the sermon takes a new turn...   He had a vision of a brick and didn't know what it meant and then a year later someone gave him a brick as a present and he turns it round to read the word FAITH. He lifts it up  and I  look at it and realise what my problem is. No faith. Funny how God can tell you something horrible like that and it feels like a relief. Now I know. What exactly am I believing God for in my life that would be impossible without Him? Can't think of anything really. That's no faith. That's a problem.

We take communion and the brick sits on the altar staring at me. We sit and the Spirit comes. He is pouring in faith and comfort. I don't want to speak or move so I don't, and I see everyone sitting too, not getting answers, but Him. We finally leave and drink hot chocolate. We pray in the car and He is there in the car with us, praying in us and blessing us. And then I realise this is why I love Jesus, why I am a Christian. There He is at just the right time, putting His finger on the problem and then being the answer Himself. Big stuff, but an even bigger God.